by Susie and Otto Collins
We just got back from a very powerful workshop on Spiritual Partnerships with
Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul, and his spiritual partner Linda Francis.
The great thing about attending a weekend workshop like this is that you get to
learn a lot about yourself and your partner. We got to learn about how making
simple assumptions can damage relationships very quickly. Simple assumptions
that we make about each other and situations can lead to resentment, distance
and emotional separation if left unaddressed.
During our 12 hour drive to the workshop, Susie had a apple as a snack. She
asked Otto if he wanted an apple. He looked at the apple and saw only one and
assumed that that was the only apple in the food bag. Since he wasn't hungry in that moment, but knew he
would be soon, he mistakenly assumed that Susie was about to have the only apple.
A short time later Otto had tortilla chips for a snack instead of the apple he
would have preferred. Now he didn't resent Susie for eating the "last apple" but
he silently wished there was another apple to eat instead of the chips. Susie was unaware of his
assumption and desire for an apple, and it wasn't until the food bag was taken to the room
and unpacked that three other apples appeared.
If Otto hadn't assumed that there was only one apple in the bag, he would have
had what he really wanted to eat instead of the chips.
Isn't this what we often do in relationships?
We silently want our relationships to be more passionate, more connected, more
loving but we don't know how to communicate our needs to our partner.
We assume what we want isn't available or isn't possible, without attempting to
make the connection with our partner and speak our needs in a way that they can be
Sometimes we know what our needs are but don't express them because we are fearful what our partner will say or how he/she will react. So it's easier to
In our relationship, we have learned that if we don't communicate consciously
and constantly, we start to make assumptions about how the other will react in a
given situation and those assumptions are usually dead wrong.
We've found that when we make assumptions, we're not living in the present
moment--we are either in the past or in the future.
We suggest that you not make assumptions about how someone else is feeling or
thinking in any relationship--no matter how long you've been together and how well you
know that person.
We are all constantly growing and changing. If we want to grow together instead
of growing apart, the most important thing you can do is to constantly communicate, one
moment at a time. Decide to consciously create your lives the way you want them to be
instead of allowing your lives to happen to you.
Live consciously at all times based on your intentions on how you want your life
to be. The apple is there if you want it.