How Badly Do You Want Intimacy In Your Relationships?
Susie and Otto Collins
This week Susie was at a meeting of all women and one of the participants
wistfully told them about the elk. According to this woman, the female elks live
and raise their young in the company of other female elks. The male elks come
around once a year, the females pick out the best males, mate, and then separate
for the rest of the year.
This woman was envious of this arrangement and suggested that humans might be
better off to emulate the elk's ways. Because we're students of relationships,
we couldn't help but make a few observations, hopefully providing food for
thought for you.
If we, as humans, emulated the elk, the people with whom we would have intimate
relationships would be kept at a distance. In our opinion, emotional distance
and intimacy cannot co-exist.
To us, this is not an issue of gender or sexual preference but rather an issue
of intimacy within relationship. We believe that intimate relationships, whether
between sexual partners, close friends or family members, are opportunities for
spiritual growth and personal healing.
If we find that we are putting distance between ourselves and anyone we are
intimate with, then one of two things may be happening: either fear of one kind
or another is present or the dynamics are changing between the two of you and
you begin growing in different directions, causing emotional separation.
Everyday we receive email messages from people who talk about being in
disconnected relationships and having disconnected sex. We've learned from our
own lives and from other's lives that disconnected sex does not bring intimacy.
It only provides a temporary mask which covers up the challenges within the
Do you notice the number of ads for Viagra and the number of people using it?
Now, we're not being judgmental here--just pointing out that many people are
searching for that connection of the heart and soul-- that intimacy that is
missing or has evaporated over many years of marriage.
Intimacy is not something that you can fix with a drug. It takes two people
truly interested and willing to work for a connection of the heart and soul.
Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul, talks about the new species of human
that is being born today. We're no longer here for physical survival as our
ancestors but rather for a spiritual awakening.
We feel that this spiritual awakening is happening in great numbers because
people are desiring to live more consciously and authentically in alignment with
whom they really are. Intimate relationships or spiritual partnerships are
helping people to do this.
Most of us spend our whole lives, consciously or unconsciously, trying to find
our connection with Spirit. We believe that this is the same connection that we
feel in a deep union with another person.
We've found that if there is distance between two people and they want an
intimate connection, there's only one way-- and that is to tackle the core
issues that they fear may destroy the relationship.
Kenny Loggins, in his book The Unimaginable Life, asked the question that we'll
ask you-- How badly do you want an intimate relationship?
Do you want distance and separation like the elk or do you want a deep spiritual
The choice is up to you.