by Dr. Mark Pitstick
Dr. Karl Menninger said, "Love cures
people. Both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it." Healthy
relationships help us grow toward balance
and enlightenment. A relationship with another person is a sacred
to be appreciated and enjoyed. Like a garden,
relationships need to be cultivated;
those who nourish and respect significant others gain flowering
Of marriage, Kahil Gibran says, "let there
be spaces in your togetherness…Love one another, but make not a bond of
love: Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls… And stand together yet not too near
together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree
and the cypress grow not in each
Commitment is one of the most important
aspects of a good relationship. W.H.Murray stated, "Until one is
committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness… the moment one definitely commits
oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help
one that would never otherwise have
occurred." A real sense of freedom and
openness to growth occurs when we know another
person really loves and accepts us.
Marriage can be the highest form of relationship as two persons
make a vow to persevere through better or worse.
I’m not, however, recommending marriage for
all persons and in all situations.
Some persons barely tolerate each other in a marriage that was a
mistake in the beginning. One elderly lady, who was contemplating
suicide, confessed "I haven’t loved
my husband for 40 years but we stayed together
because that’s what we were taught." The
"we’ll make it work if it kills us"
attitude aptly describes the stress-related illnesses that predominate
long-term negative relationship.
Continuing an empty shell of a relationship
for the sake of following religious,
social, or moral convention benefits no one. Obtain marital or
pastoral counseling during troubled times. But if a bond is truly
unhappy after years of trying, let it
go and find a better partner. Life is too
short to live in an unhappy and destructive relationship.
No one is perfect so focus on the good in
each other instead of amplifying the
less desirable points. Most relationships go through tough times. Those
who weather temporary storms often come
through them stronger and wiser.
Strong winds that bend but don’t break a tree make it stronger, more
flexible, and more prepared for the next gusts.
A healthy sex life is an important part of
a couples’ relationship. Finding a
balance is, as always, the key. Past generations were indoctrinated with
guilt and didn’t enjoy vibrant sexuality. More
recent generations have gone too far
the other way and made sex another aerobic sport with promiscuity
replacing past puritanical restrictions.
Experience the joy of sex in a loving
and safe setting and in moderation. Sex is an excellent way to feel
alive, share intimacy, and enjoy blissful
One of the building blocks of a healthy
relationship is realizing the
divinity within each other. In Life Is For Loving, Butterworth writes
is not to be found. It consists not in finding
the right person but in becoming the
right person… True marriage comes about as two people sense and
see in each other something of the divine potential that is always
beyond appearances. This leads to a mutual
commitment to help each other mate
with one’s God-self.
When a relationship does end—by death or
separation—remember that a heart can
only be broken when it’s closed and hardened. Keep your heart open and
go through a period of mourning. Then, when
you’re ready, find another. There’s
more than one fish in the sea and more than one Soulmate for each of
us. Some people remain in self-imposed
isolation because of a deceased loved
ones memory. Let the departed one move on and keep living.
One possible cause of "ghosts" occurs when
departed Souls are held in limbo by loved ones who can’t accept their
death. Let the deceased move on to the next realm; if you want, you will
see them again. You can even continue an inter-dimensional relationship
with them. I "talk" with my departed
grandmothers, feel their support, and—in the inner quiet of my
heart—hear their gentle counsel.
Recommended books for nourishing healthy
relationships include: Life Is For
Loving by Eric Butterworth; The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm;
Courtshipafter Marriage by Zig Ziglar; Love and Living, Loving, and
Learning by LeoBuscaglia; and Notes on Love and Courage and Notes to
Myself by Hugh
Prather.(excerpts from Balanced Living:
Transforming Body, Mind, and Spirit by Mark
Pitstick, M.A., D.C.
For more information about Dr. Pitstick's
work go to, http://www.soulproof.com